by Rasheryl McCreary, PCC

I recently gave a talk on The Law of Authenticity, from the book The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. I was inspired by this law which says,

“The most valuable gift you can give is yourself.”

The authors went on to tell the story of a newly divorced realtor who had been thoroughly trained in every possible sales and closing technique, but still hadn’t made a sale. The realtor was discouraged and decided that she would give up after meeting with a final client.

As she was driving the client to a potential home, the realtor let go of what she was “supposed” to do, and simply spoke from her heart about the home. She listened to the client from a place of sincerity. Not surprisingly, the client decided to buy the home even before they arrived at the home!

The realtor made the sale because she was being authentic.

Authenticity is a buzzword these days. It’s hard to define, but we know it when we see it/feel it. As an executive leadership coach, I frequently work with leaders in tech, engineering, science, and finance, who need to develop their executive presence. The most compelling presence is built on a foundation of authenticity.

Leaders with presence must be able to connect and communicate authentically with others, in ways that engage, inspire, and motivate, especially in high-stakes situations.

Often clients want to approach authenticity as a task list of things to do. Ironically, when you are trying to do things to show that you are authentic, you’re not. #fakeauthenticity

Instead of focusing on doing something I urge my clients to release any barriers they may have to BEING authentic. To paraphrase my favorite Rumi quote:

“Your task is not to seek authenticity, but to find the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Here are three toxic behaviors that are common barriers to real authenticity. See if you can relate:

When we look at our colleagues or other leaders who seem to have it all together, we envy their polished persona, their awesome communication skills and their ability to influence senior leadership (even if their ideas aren’t that great!).

We feel the need to copy their look, their behaviors, or even their style. This urge to plagiarize comes from our own feelings of insecurity or feeling like we are not good enough. The Imposter Syndrome kicks in and we secretly feel like we just don’t have what it takes to do the job we have.

Try This:

~Create a list of your unique talents, perspectives, and experiences.

~Reassess your value and shift from what you feel you don’t have to what you do have.

There is only one you, and what you bring in the form of your talents, experiences, and perspective, is unique. You have intrinsic value by virtue of who you are, your body of work, your experiences. Therefore, you can add value to your workplace by being yourself.

We live in a highly competitive world today. You can barely turn on the TV without seeing a reality show where people are pitted against each other.

This non-stop competition comes from a place of “there’s not enough”, and “I’m going to have to fight for my piece of the pie.” You feel like you have to fight for your promotion, fight for your boss’ attention, and fight to get to the next rung on the career ladder.

Authenticity is a way to transcend competition. Being your authentic self is the best way to transcend the competition.

I learned this powerful lesson years ago when I was a professional actor in a regional play that also featured some seasoned Broadway actors from New York.

One of my scenes was a very polite church tea, where I was in conversation with another woman. On the surface, the scene was saccharine sweet, but underneath there was a thread of dignified one-upsmanship that made the scene laugh out loud funny.

During previews, just before the play opened, the other woman, who was one of the seasoned actors, changed her mannerisms and line delivery so that she could upstage me and get the bigger laughs and more applause from the audience.

I was terrified. I thought, “How can I compete with someone who has more experience and knows all of these tricks to get the audience on her side? What am I going to do?”

The answer was to do nothing.

I had to figure out how to just be my authentic self. I shifted my focus to delivering the best performance I could and not worrying about what the other actress was doing.

Each night before going on, I reviewed my script, practiced my lines and blocking, and developed a protocol of mindful breathing and grounding myself to manage anxiety. I let go of any thoughts about competing for a laugh or a more standout performance.

The irony was that when I let it go, and just focused on priming myself for high performance, I ended up getting the biggest laughs, huge applause and critical recognition for my performance.

Try This:

~If you are in a situation where you feel the need to compete with a colleague, pivot. Shift your focus away from them and to yourself. Identify ways that you can elevate your performance in your current role.

Some things to think about:

~Are you delivering your best work in your current position?

~Are you aware of areas of your performance that need improvement?

~Do you have a high-performance protocol in place to start your day so that you hit the ground running?

~Do you have practices in place to navigate through stressors and the unexpected?

~Who do you need to be in order to perform well at the next level?

The only competition we have is ourselves.

A third way that we derail our authenticity is by conforming. When we conform, we try to fit in because we want to belong. We don’t want to stand out from the pack or stick our heads out of the foxhole.

We will go to great lengths to remain small in many areas of our life because it can feel very risky and unsafe to be different. Standing out awakens our vulnerability. It’s hard enough to be vulnerable in our personal lives, let alone at work. And yet, being a truly authentic leader, in part, means being able to take risks, tell the truth, take a stand, and show up as your whole self, especially when it’s unpopular. As Brene Brown says,

“…True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

Try This:

Ask yourself the following questions:

~Where am I playing small?

   Identify areas where you are choosing to belong over choosing to show up authentically in your work and in your life.

~Why am I playing small?

   Explore what is making you feel unsafe.

~What is the worst that could happen if I stand out?

~What are the benefits I get from continuing to play it safe?

If it feels unsafe to play big, make it a game to challenge yourself to courageously step up and participate at the highest level possible.

Remember what it was like when you were a kid? When you didn’t play to win or lose, you just played for the fun of it? Try to capture that aspect of yourself again. Let yourself enjoy playing full-out just for the sake of being in the game.

In short, authenticity is not a state of doing. It is a state of being. It can be attained by releasing toxic behaviors that serve as barriers to its full expression.

I encourage you to stop copying, competing, and conforming, and instead look for opportunities to show up as the most valuable of all gifts – yourself. Dare to show up in all of your brilliance AND with your flaws, even when it’s unpopular, uncomfortable, or downright frightening. That’s #authenticleadership in action.

If you are a woman leader who wants to level up your authentic executive presence, join the next LeadHERship Presence™ Workshop for Professional Women on November 7-8, 2018 in Scottsdale, AZ.

More info here: www.leadhershippresence.com